is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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