How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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