her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
