Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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