he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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