Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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