i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
