i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
