FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
