I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
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She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
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last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do