I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely