I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook