just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
