i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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