This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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