i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
