so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
