The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
