I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
