I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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