Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
