wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
