Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
