Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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