i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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