This is not my ceiling
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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