I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
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Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
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I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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