Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
