4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
