i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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