Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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