i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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