you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
