It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
