i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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