bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
