Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
