Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
