We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
So squirting runs in the family.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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