if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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