You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
