I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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