where does the pee come out of this thing
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
