ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
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The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
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But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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