u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
