It's like God shit irony all over that family
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Is Oprah even human
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
