I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
she looked like the before picture.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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