she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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