You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
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so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
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Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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