2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
