how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
