I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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