Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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