Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
