i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
