so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
