Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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