If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
