where am i from again
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
and she was petting her beer can
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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