You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
