I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
