I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Boobs speak an international language.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
