They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
