I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
