I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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