i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
