I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
