since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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