remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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