No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize