i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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