Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
