I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
