so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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