you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Found the puke drawer
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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