I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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