Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
