I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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