I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
