My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Randomize
