I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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