I wannas sexs uuuuu
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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