why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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